After Nanowrimo : A hurdle too steep?

I finished school, so many years ago, that it’s getting painful to count.
But one of the most interesting thing that I’ve learned, is self-evaluation.  Meaning thinking about your faults and prize attributes, then seeing how you could handle things differently. This is so you can grow as a person and as a social worker.

Doing that for many years has given me a clear inside look.
I can do a lot of things pretty well, but I’m not excelling in any of those things.  And you may think well, then why don’t you try harder or practice more,…  If it where that easy, I’d been a gold medalist rhythmic gymnast, a famous singer, a star writer, an award winning mother, healthy as anyone, a game inventor with a brilliant success and a woman with no faults.

Just for the record: I’m none of the above!!

So doing something that puts me out in the open,like let others read my work or hear me sing, is actually kinda hard.  It all became even harder because, I have a loving, two year older sister, who seems to be a bit better at everything then I am.
And yes, it get’s me jealousy.  But the again I am me, and that enough worry, so I don’t blame her, I just try harder.
I know, it’s not a competition, but sometimes it’s nice to race a bike as hard as you can and then finish first, while sticking your hands in the sky!  That feeling I really miss.

Today, I’m trying harder, and pushing over the very steep hurdle.
I’ve given my work to one of my friends in Nano.  And asked the question I needed answered: Where do I need to work on first, so I can publish.  I will be rewriting/editing during nano.
Let me say this first: I still write for the joy and the healing it gives me.  But seeing how I can’t work yet and seem not to be ill enough to not work.  The confusion makes me go nuts.
I decided to take back control and give it a fair go.  I made a plan (to make many more plans), and making it to the finish ribbon, while sticking them up!

I’m already using what I’m learning from NaNo : By telling others, I feel the push in my back.

Thank you for reading and for understanding.
I feel nervous already!!


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