A nights sleep

najaar 263I danced this morning.  Not because my favorite song was on the radio.  No, for the first time in four months (maybe even more) I’ve slept a whole night.  Eleanor had a difficult evening because of her belly, but when she slept, it lasted a whole night.  Even Dietmar did not wake me up.
Do I feel well rested?  No, but there’s hope!!

It is true that I feel tired all of the time, because of my health, but this was getting absurd.  It’s like a ghost is hanging over my head telling me: “Sleep, eat, tired, sleep, yawn, cranky, yawn, sleep, can’t find words, burn food, yawn, cranky…”  And I just do whatever it said.

Maybe, I now have my own personal ghostbuster (let’s call him Francis). najaar 240 He’s going to be fighting off all the ill willed shadows around me.

Now, what does this sleep do to me?  I got dressed, I did my hair and even found extra energy, to put on some make up. Looking in the mirror I laughed.  At least Francis wont try to bust me today!!!

But I must be careful to not get too enthusiastic, That’s one off the things I need to work on.  Being happy, makes it very hard not to try and do too much.

??? You might say.  Yes, I temper a lot.  If my body were a suitcase, holding all of my energy, I have to open and close it quickly to make sure, energy doesn’t leave unnecessary.  I have to think if it’s the best reason to open my suitcase and take out energy.  I have to plan ahead, to make sure I have enough energy left for what I’m still supposed to do.  Most people have a very smart and fast recovery system.  Their suitcases, get filled quickly and completely.
But mine is like an old battery, it thinks it full, but is actually rather empty and slow in filling up again. najaar 062 So going out for a drink or explaining to a doctor for the millionth time, why I don’t have energy, sometimes is just not getting on my agenda.  My kids come first.  I can’t run around after them playing hide and seek or jumping ropes.  So i try to find other things.  But it’s hard and sometimes I just wanna say very bad words and scream and get de-energized(??) by things I should not do.

Lucky!! I have a loving boyfriend, who tries to keep me well grounded. Love him,….  He is amazing.  I sometimes yell and scream and cry and he just handles it brilliantly.  Every day I ask him: “Have I told you how much I love and appreciate you?”  Then he’d say. “Yes, but keep repeating it!!”

Seeing my family I just get this feeling I somehow hit the non-financial jackpot.  And really can you blame me for it?najaar 248