Walk in my shoes, why don’t you?

I live in the small and cramped country called Belgium.  Lucky me we have a very good health and social system.  Well, I should say we did.
You see, the past couple of years people are starting to change all of the good things we have.
As always, there are people that misuse the system and that is being accounted on all the other people using it and it’s a busy time trying to save money everywhere.

I have been struggling with my health for six years now.  And at times it is very hard, looking very normal, be feeling like a complete wreck.  Doctors are skeptic, and lose interest soon after you started a treatment saying you must be doing something wrong, not to get better.
Nothing I can do to change people’s minds and I made it my point to learn how to live with the pain and fatigue.  But it’s hard, any day.

When I just got my son, a doctor told me: “If you are healthy enough to take care of your son, your healthy enough to go to work.” I was a bit pissed at the way he said things, but I understood, what he meant and why he said it.
Then again I wasn’t ready then, just as I wasn’t ready two weeks after getting my pacemaker.

I really want to go to work, I feel very useless at home.  And honestly I would love a conversation that doesn’t involve baby-talk. So I went trough a number of procedures.  Seeing government workers, telling me they are going to help me and try and help me cause there are things that can help me go back to work.  Enthusiastic I did all the test and even did a internship, just to get the news that me and my body were not ready yet to go to work.  But apparently I’m not sick enough to stay at home. So what then?  After another couple of months I get shipped of to another person with new ideas and a road to no were.

You see, I’ve been in this situation for almost two years, and I have been placed under the care of 5 different government workers, in that time.  I need to explain again and again what my situation is, they need do do tests, they think they can help me because I have a very good background and education, but in the end they say they do,n’t know what to do, cause I am physically not ready to go to work.

Let me make this clear : I WANT TO WORK !!!  I DID NOT CHOSE TO STAY HOME!!!

Last week my (new) caseworker told me that maybe I should go and talk to a psychiatrist, to get to grips with my situation.  I felt rage!! I can’t work as a social worker anymore, I can’t teach anymore, they won’t let me re-educate myself because I’ve had enough education.  What the heck, I’ve done everything they have asked me to do.  And the only thing they can say is go to a psychiatrist, and pay for it with your own money, that is btw cut in half because I have a loving partner that has a job and should take care of me in better or for worse (not married).  But who is already paying for our house and expenses.

Way this rant you might ask.  Today I read an article in the paper about how politicians are making a law to make people who are sick, go back to work or lose their income, because there is a system that takes care of them with caseworkers who are trained to handle their situation.

But no, reviewing the numbers of success and checking where things go wrong is just a loss of time and money!!

Don’t judge me before you walk in my shoes, or at least see me do it ! Is what I feel at this moment.

I apologize for this rant, but it made me angry and I needed to let it go.  (sorry for this frozen statement, could not find a better one)