Seeing my kids enjoy their presents, the nice food, and spending time with all of us together is great. I try to take it all in.
BUT,… I am in so much pain. I can’t remember it being this bad, at least in the last three and a half years.
My mom was saying how I seemed to be coping better than I used to and I guess she is right. Being a mom, I try to move on and smile , it’s hard, but definitely worth it.
When my son of three hugs me, and then asks “Are you alright mommy? Are you in pain.” I want to cry even more. I always try to answer honestly. “Yes, dear, but having you here makes me feel a little better!” He is truly the best! Yes, he is a typical three year old, and can be a hand full, but he is so sensitive to my well being.
I try to hide my pain and fatigue when we are out, or doing something just for the kids, because I want them to enjoy it as much as they can. But it is really hard, and apparently they can read me like an open book. They don’t see me as a superwoman, or a magical mom. But for the person I am, and yes, sometimes, I do regret that they have to have a ‘broken’ mom. But I also try to give them a playful, fair, and loving mom, with all my might.
My mom is not the most easy person in this world. But I finally understand her a little better. She did what she did with all her might, trying to give her daughters everything she could, no matter how much pain she was in. Mom, thank you, because of you, I can try to be a better mom for my kids! You will never read any of this, but I will make sure you feel the love and respect that you deserve! Because, trough all the difficult times, the fighting, the arguing, the running away, I learnt a lot, and it makes me fight harder!