I am trying to write more. I’ve been losing a lot of concentration and find it hard to speak. I wanted to catch the rope before it fell! Here is me hoping writing will help. I need inspiration so I looked up some of Sasha Black’s writespirations. They seem to attracted me to write about my own life. It’s a subject I usually avoid, but well, … it might be healing so I will be trying some of her archived prompts out! Here is the one about an edge!
A big mini step, a huge waterfall!
I’m reminded of a diver, standing on the tip of his toes, before a dive. I’ve had nerves all night long. And as I am readying the schoolbag, I find it hard to keep my emotions in check.
I hear little elephant feet run down the corridor and realize, that my little, big man, is less nervous, than I am. He is excited! I greet him with my biggest smile and open my arms to create a safe haven to run in to.
“I’m awake mommy!” He yells in my ear.
“I’ve noticed.” I reply, trying to push down the slumbering headache. “Have you slept well?” I ask, while looking in his eyes. They have this little sleepy twinkle in them and my mommy heart just seems to melt all over again. Ik hug him.
“I did mommy, can I go to school now?”
“Yes, love. But first we need to fill your tummy and take off those pyjama’s.”
It’s his favorite pair, so when he ponders about what I just said, I can’t help but smile.
The minutes seem to go slow, and yet I don’t feel that I’ve had enough time.
In the car we repeat the drill we’ve been practicing.
“You go with the teacher and do what?”
Smiling and hopping with his legs, his enthusiasm, is slowly killing me.
“I’m going to play with the kiddies.”
“And what do you need to do?” I’ve asked him these questions so many times.
“I need to listen to the teacher, be nice, and apologize when I hurt someone. If I need to go potty or hurt myself, I need to tell someone.”
“Well done, love! Mommy will pick you up when school is over.”
As I park the car, I take a look over my shoulder. Tears are already on my doorstep, but he seems unaffected. I let go of a sigh, put my smile on and drag my big pregnant belly out of the car. When I open his door, and release him from all safety measures, he smiles at me. My eyes and heart start pricking.
“Up we go!” I try to utter. Hand in hand we walk up to the school entrance. At the edge of the schoolyard, I put his bag on his shoulders. Look him in the eyes, and ask for a kiss. I get one, and a big smile. He waves goodbye.
“Have fun,…” My voice just doesn’t come out. And as he moves over the edge, the tears just start running. I can’t stop. I wave a last goodbye, before he disappears. And then i almost run back to the car. I sit there crying for almost an hour, before I feel fit to drive. But as I drive of the parking lot, I feel my eyes dampen again and I say to myself: “I can’t believe I’m doing this again in three years!”