I guess that’s parenting

My son had a real bad attitude today.  He’s been off lately and the whole family is feeling it.  Today I had the final drop.  He started kicking the door of my brand new car.   Just because he couldn’t bring a toy into the shop.  I asked him to stop, but he reacted by kicking again. Angry and disappointed,  I gave the car keys and my daughter to their dad.  I grabbed his hand and walked him home.
It was a twenty minutes walk with a screaming, yelling and kicking five year old.  The whole time, I didn’t say a word, I didn’t even look at him.  I did cry when a man honked at us.  But I didn’t give in.
When we got home, I changed his clothes, carried him up the stairs and put him to bed.  Holding him for five minutes, I noticed he stopped crying.  It took another two before he turned around to hug me.  And finally he fell a sleep.
Sitting here, I realize no mother would feel proud walking the way I did.  But I am proud for not screaming, not yelling, not loosing myself in that moment. It would have been so much easier.
It does hurt me and I still feel like crying.  It’s painful to see him be so angry and hearing him scream like that.
Wen he came down two hours later, he kept asking me to hug and cuddle.  It’s not like we forgot what happened, I just didn’t want to stay angry.
I don’t know if what I did will change anything for my boy.  It might have changed something for me.

 

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